


Anything

by centreoftheselights



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (but this one is heavy on the Hurt), Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Begging, Could Be Read As Past Sexual Abuse, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Loved One Not Recognising You, M/M, Nausea, PTSD Janus Sanders, Panic Attacks, Past Abusive Remus Sanders, Past Violence, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Touch Aversion, Trauma, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, established roceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: Roman wakes up to find Janus having a flashback.
Relationships: Roceit
Comments: 40
Kudos: 230
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Centreoftheselights' Bad Things Happen Bingo 2020





	Anything

**Author's Note:**

> One of my [Bad Things Happen Bingo prompts](https://potestessemagishomosexualitatis.tumblr.com/tagged/bad-things-happen-bingo):
> 
> oooo can you do traumatic touch aversion and forced begging with roceit + happy ending?
> 
> This one got pretty rough, please be careful with the warning tags!

Roman shifted in his sleep, rolling over without opening his eyes. It took a moment to place the source of his discomfort – there were no arms around him. He reached out, searching, but felt only the cool silk of the sheets. He was alone.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes.

“Love?”

There was no answer to his soft question, but he could see a sliver of light coming through the crack of the bathroom door. But the cold sheets suggested this was something more than a simple call of nature…

Roman got to his feet, and made his way towards the bathroom. He slowly pushed open the door.

Janus was stood over the sink. He looked up, and for a moment he locked eyes with Roman in the mirror. His skin was pale and his eyes ringed in red; he'd been crying. Then a full-body shudder rippled through him, and he looked away.

“Go away,” he snapped, but his voice was shaking too much to hold any heat. Roman didn't obey, but he didn't move any closer, even though he ached to embrace his dearest one and comfort him through his distress.

“Nightmare?” Roman asked softly.

Janus laughed, bitterly. He didn't answer.

“Come back to bed, love,” Roman said.

To his surprise, Janus spun on his heel.

“ _Don't_ ,” he snarled. “Don't do this.”

“Don't do what?” Roman asked, taken aback at the sudden fury.

Janus rolled his eyes.

“Don't play dumb either, Remus. I don't know what game you're playing with this disguise, but I can always see right through you.”

Roman's stomach twisted.

“Jan, darling, it's me. It's Roman. Remus can't reach you here, remember? I think you're having a flashback –”

“I don't care what lies you tell,” Janus said, although a muscle his jaw twitched. “I'm not going to fall for it.”

Roman stepped forward, intending to move out the doorway so Janus didn't feel trapped – but it was the wrong move. As soon as he took the first step, Janus cringed back against the wall, shaking with fear.

“No, please, don't –” he gasped. “Don't bring Ro- don't bring the others into this. Whatever you're going to do, wouldn't it feel better to do it as yourself? Wouldn't that be more fun?”

“JJ –”

But Janus was too far gone to hear. He dropped to his knees, tears welling in the corner of his good eye.

“I'll do anything, please, please just change back. If you're you, I'll let you do anything you like to me – you can stab me or burn me or pluck out my eyes and juggle them, wouldn't that be fun?”

He began to crawl forward across the tiles on his knees, and Roman was too stricken to speak.

“Anything, I promise,” Janus said. “I'll even let you – let you touch me.”

He reached out and grabbed Roman's hand, pressing it against his cheek. The scales were damp, streaked with tears. Roman could feel the muscles tense so hard they quivered under his touch, see the way Janus's throat worked frantically like he was choking back bile, but still Janus didn't pull away.

Roman's heart cracked a little. All he wanted, more than anything, was to sweep Janus into his arms and tell him it was alright, he was safe here. But it was clear that at this moment, Roman's mere _presence_ was harming his love.

So he had to go.

“I – no,” he stammered. “I mean, uh. Rats! You've foiled my evil plot. But you're too pathetic to mess with, so I'll just – I'll leave you be.”

Roman turned, pulled his hand away, and hurried out of the bathroom. Perhaps he could go and wake one of the others – perhaps Virgil or Patton would be able to help, where he had failed –

Behind him, he heard a soft gasp.

“Roman?”

Roman turned back, just in time to see Janus throwing himself forwards. Roman caught his love in his arms, staggering back from the weight, but Janus simply clung to him, weeping into Roman's shoulder and trembling like a leaf.

“Roman, it's you, you're really here.”

“It's me, you're safe love, I swear, I'll protect you to my dying breath –”

“I know it's you,” Janus said quietly. “… Remus would never have left without hurting me.”

Roman wrapped his arms around Janus, tight. He didn't know what to say.

It would be a long time before either of them let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out on my Discord! <https://discord.gg/ZZ6am2c>


End file.
